


I'm Not a Bad Person

by TheArcticFlame



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Post-Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, after thomas has dealt with remus and virgil and stuff, deceit is still a slimy boy but not as slimy as he thought, sometime after that episode anyway, thomas is working things out so i guess that's kinda comfort?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-23 00:57:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20001346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArcticFlame/pseuds/TheArcticFlame
Summary: Thomas needs to clear his conscience and work things out with Deceit once and for all.





	I'm Not a Bad Person

"Deceit."  
  
Thomas felt his stomach clench and knew Virgil would hate him for calling Deceit here. But this was exactly why he didn't call any of his other Sides. This was a conversation between him and Deceit alone.  
  
Deceit popped in by the shades where Patton usually stood and smirked at Thomas. "Well, now, this _isn't_ a surprise. Have you called to finally admit that you're just as bad a person as you feared?"  
  
Thomas steeled himself and gestured to the dining table. "Have a seat. I want to talk."  
  
Deceit's expression changed from smug to confused, then intrigued. "Very well." He followed Thomas to the dining table and took the seat opposite him. The smirk returned to his face. "What, may I ask, compelled you to summon _me_ for a talk? Surely not a desire for friendly conversation?"  
  
Thomas rested his arms on the table and shook his head. "I told you, I want to talk, not _have_ a talk. I want you to listen." He didn't feel nearly as composed as he sounded, but he determined he must've been putting on a convincing enough act. Deceit's smirk disappeared again. Roman would be proud.  
  
"I see. Please, continue."  
  
Thomas looked at Deceit for a moment, still somewhat unsettled by his presence, then looked down at the table. "I don't like you."  
  
"That's a _marvelous_ start, really--"  
  
"I said I want to talk, Deceit. Please." When Deceit didn't respond, Thomas continued. "I don't like you. I don't like thinking about how there's a part of me just... dedicated to lying. I don't like the idea of being dishonest."  
  
There was still no word from Deceit, but there was something uncomfortable about the way he watched Thomas. He kept his thoughts so carefully concealed that it was impossible to tell how he felt. Thomas kept his eyes down to avoid his gaze.  
  
"But I really... I was thinking for a while... mostly talking things over with Logan, but..." He took a deep breath. "I can't hate you. I don't think you're the evil side of me that I thought you were. People lie all the time, and it's not always for malicious reasons. And I had to admit to myself that... sometimes I lie too. But that doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me human."  
  
Thomas finally looked up at Deceit, who continued to watch him with an unreadable expression. "So that's the conclusion I've come to. I'm not perfect. I lie sometimes, but it doesn't make me a bad person. And, at your core, I don't think you're entirely bad either."  
  
Thomas was quiet after this, having said what he wanted to say. But Deceit's expression continued to unsettle him and he started to squirm under his gaze. He finally had to look away just as Deceit started to laugh. Thomas glanced back. There was something _almost_ condescending about Deceit's laugh, but it wasn't the evil chuckle Thomas was used to hearing. He still couldn't read him.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"You, Thomas."  
  
"Me?"  
  
Deceit leaned back in his chair. "Yes, you. Took you long enough to work that out."  
  
Thomas's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean? You _expected_ me to say that?"  
  
Deceit shrugged. "Oh, of _course_. You didn't pick up on the lesson the last few times I tried, so you'd _obviously_ figure it out on your own." His familiar smirk returned to his face. "It's the whole reason I was able to hide your other Sides from you. You've been lying to yourself this whole time, trying to convince yourself that you're a wholly good person, but nobody's perfect, are they? You've finally accepted the truth."  
  
"I thought you wanted me to lie."  
  
"When it serves a purpose."  
  
"You couldn't even tell me what color my shirt was without lying. Where was the purpose in that?"  
  
"Let me clarify. I have a compulsion to lie. You have a choice. Benefit of having Morality on your side."  
  
Thomas was quiet for a moment, observing Deceit. He was being surprisingly genuine. Even his trademark smirk was less malicious and more amused. Despite knowing that Deceit's purpose was to lie, Thomas wanted to trust him. Thomas leaned back and crossed his arms.  
  
"So... when lying 'serves a purpose,' it's okay. When does it have a purpose, exactly?"  
  
"Self-interest." Thomas only raised an eyebrow in response, so Deceit continued. "People lie to help themselves. The child who claims to have eaten their vegetables so they can get dessert. The student who says their dog ate their homework so they don't get into trouble for not having it done. The suspect who lies about their crime to avoid a prison sentence. Whether as serious as a crime or as inconsequential as not eating some veggies, people lie for their own benefit." Deceit placed a hand over his chest. "That's all I've ever wanted for you, Thomas. I mean, haven't I only ever appeared when lying would be in your best interest?"  
  
Thomas held up his index finger. "Ah, ah. No. You only _think_ it'd be in my best interest."  
  
"So are you saying that it's _not_ in your best interest to avoid the consequences of telling the truth, whatever those consequences might be?"  
  
"Yes? No! Wait, no, wait... That's not what I mean. I mean there's a lot more factors in each situation than just 'will I get in trouble or not?' There's how I feel about it. There's how others feel about it. There's how it'll affect things immediately versus down the line. The severity of the thing I'd be lying about. How long the lie needs to be kept up. And why? Why do I need to lie? What's the actual benefit to me when I do it?"  
  
There's a pause before Deceit speaks up again. "As I said, I have a compulsion to lie. You have a choice. So, I'll concede, maybe it's not that lying is in your 'best' interest all the time, but it's something that _could_ end up benefiting you, right? But unlike me, you've got Logic to work through the issue, and Morality and Anxiety to convince you not to most of the time."  
  
"Okay, follow-up question. You say you have a compulsion to lie, but not a compulsion to be, I dunno, evil? I mean you went through the trouble of impersonating Patton and Logan, and did this whole courtroom scenario where you were my prosecutor. You were against me and the others at every step. Why go through all that if the goal was to get me to admit to being dishonest sometimes?"  
  
Deceit sighed. "Ah, that's a _totally simple_ question. Short answer is perception. You perceived me and the act of lying as evil, and so I was. Honestly, I was _terribly hurt_ by it."  
  
"Somehow I doubt that. You seemed to be enjoying it."  
  
"Well, I wasn't exactly welcome and I needed a bit of entertainment." Deceit smirked. "But answer me this, was dear Virgil not also perceived as an evil thing at first? After all, his goal was to make you anxious, to bring up all your worries and fears and keep you from doing all these things you might otherwise enjoy."  
  
"It's not like that anymore."  
  
"But it _was_ like that. That's my point." Thomas opened his mouth to make a rebuttal, but Deceit held up his finger to silence him. "Regardless of how things are now, once upon a time, you did see Virgil--Anxiety--as an antagonist. That's how it is for me and the others as well, the ones you call Dark Sides. We do have other purposes besides trying to make you miserable. You just need to be open to seeing that."  
  
Thomas looked down at the table. What Deceit said made sense. Virgil _was_ one of them, but once Thomas started listening instead of trying to get rid of him, Virgil calmed down, opened up. They became friends. Was it so impossible to believe that the same could be said for the others?  
  
"What about Remus?"  
  
"What about him?"  
  
Thomas frowned. "I get that he's supposed to be part of my creativity, but it's a part filled with terrible things that scare me. I can understand anxiety being for self-preservation, and deceit being for self-interest, but what purpose do intrusive thoughts like that have?"  
  
"Mm..." Deceit crossed his arms. "Don't know."  
  
"Helpful."  
  
"The Duke is an enigma, even to me. What is it he likes to say? 'There's no rhyme or reason to what I do. I just do.'" Deceit didn't bother mimicking his voice. It was grating enough as it was. "I guess if you need a purpose, you could say he's there to make sure you remember all the things you don't like and keep you trying to be a good person." Deceit shrugged.  
  
"Right... That's... Yeah, I'll just go with that, I guess." Thomas was quiet for a moment before looking up and smiling a little at Deceit. "Thanks."  
  
Deceit raised an eyebrow. "For what?"  
  
"For showing me that you're not as bad as I thought you were. It's actually... kind of a relief."  
  
Deceit scoffed and stood up. "Well, don't expect me to start being all friendly like the rest of them. I'm still not a nice Side."  
  
"Just admit you wanna be part of the group, too." Thomas chuckled.  
  
" _Never_." Despite his words, Deceit had a small smile on his face as he sunk out.


End file.
